Are You Going to San Francisco

When I read this post from Caroline McCarthy about moving from New York to San Francisco, my first thought was, "you're going to hate it."

And perhaps that's not fair, but it was my immediate reaction based on the preconceptions of the city as being made up of Mission hipsters and Silly Valley koolaiders. It is neither. Those are simply two facets of this place, but unfortunately they are often the only experience that short-timers immerse themselves in.

San Francisco is my home. I love it. I adore it. I'm institutionalized and ruined for pretty much anywhere else. And so of course I have some strong opinions about it. And when I hear people are moving here, I naturally want them to love it too. I hate it when people move here for a year or two, and move away having had a bad experience because they never really got to know it. I think that's avoidable.

I don't think the world should look like San Francisco, nor do I think that it should be home for everyone. But if you're going to come here, even if it's only for a year, you should make the most of it. And to do that (and this really goes for anywhere) you need to embrace what's unique about it.

1. Live in San Francisco.
Here's a novel idea. If you're moving 3,000 (or even 300) miles to live in San Francisco; live in San Francisco. And by I don't simply mean that you should not live in the East Bay or the Peninsula or Marin. I mean live in a part of the city that your great-grandparents would recognize as being San Francisco. Somewhere that was entirely residential, and all of the homes in your neighborhood existed, prior to 1915. If you've only lived in SoMa, you haven't lived in San Francisco. I know a lot of people who've moved here from somewhere else only to settle in SoMa (which, when I first moved here, was sort of like NoPa in that it was really only starting to gain traction as a term for a neighborhood) or South Park or China Basin or some other reclaimed part of San Francisco's industrial past. Big mistake. If you haven't lived in one of San Francisco's traditional neighborhoods, you've missed out. You haven't ever gotten to experience one of its primary joys. Sure, you may be close to your job; you may have a lot of space and nicer weather, but by that logic you should find a job in a Phoenix exurb. This is a city of small communities, each with its own character. Get to know one, with its small shops and locally owned businesses, and you'll find it infinitely rewarding.  If instead you choose to live in some light industrial zone, however, you may as well be in Seattle, or Atlanta, or Portland, or any other moderately-sized city. Except you'll pay five times the rent.

2. Jump in the water.
If you've lived here more than a year and have never taken a dip in the Pacific; you're doing it wrong. Take advantage of your local environment. One of the greatest things about San Francisco is that it's bounded by so many amazing natural wonders. This is a place where you can--quite literally and I know people who have done it--go surfing and snowboarding in the same day. First and foremost, of course, there is the ocean. This is a region defined by the ocean and the scraping together of two plates. Swim in the Bay. Dive in the ocean. Hike along the seaside cliffs. Explore the tidepools. And when you're finished, get your ass out of here to the Sierra, to Yosemite and Sequoia and Tahoe. One of the greatest things about this city--and it's something that I think is intrinsic to the character of its people--is that you can have nature all day and culture all night.

3. Eat the food.
You may think of California as being the home of the entertainment or technology industry. But neither would be here without the farms that came first. California's agriculture industry is a $40 billion a year enterprise. We have a longer growing season than just about anywhere else in the country, and nowhere else in the country has the year-round selection of local, sustainable, and/or organic options we do. You'll have your pick of farmer's markets, CSAs, and local dairies. Yes, enjoy the restaurants. We have great ones that focus on the local flavor. But do yourself a favor: Find a good source of local food and learn to cook.

4. Get a bike
Looking out my window, at this very moment, I can see where mountain biking was invented. Marin, Sonoma, and Napa counties have some of the finest road biking in the world. Santa Clara, Santa Cruz and (again) Marin likewise offer some of the best mountain biking to be found anywhere. Moreover, there's no better way to get around San Francisco than by bike. Muni, especially the light rail lines, is okay for getting around. The bus system less so. Driving is an abomination; good luck finding parking. But on a bike you can be anywhere in the city--anywhere--within 15 minutes. Do it often enough and you won't break a sweat getting there.

5. Make real friends
This only applies to people working in the Internet and technology sectors, but you may be amazed to discover that most people in the city work in fields that have nothing to do with the Internet. It's fantastic to have friends in the industry. You'll have shared interests and they'll always get your meme-of-the-day jokes. But if most of your friends work in the same field you do, that's a little boring, right? Try to branch out. This is a city of people from all over the world, doing all sorts of interesting things. Get to know them. If you want to get to know a place, get to know its people. It will also help you keep things in perspective. If something is truly a big deal (say, an iPod or Facebook) it will be a big deal to your non-techie friends as well.

6. Be real yourself
San Francisco is the kind of place where nobody will tell you when you have a bad idea. That's just how it is. In an effort to remain tolerant, people go out of their way not to judge. That can be a bad thing. "Hey, dude, I think I'm going to pierce my eyelids with this sliver of depleted uranium for Burning Man this year." "Right on, that's cool." No. No, it's not cool. It's a very bad fucking idea. But nobody will tell you that. And because it is a town where nobody calls bullshit, it's easy to get caught up in your own. Stay true to yourself. Sure, let your freak flag fly. You can do whatever you want here and nobody will even look twice at you. Embrace that inner weirdo. But don't be weird for the sake of being weird: That way lies blind hipsterism and the cult of the yogi. You moved here to set trends, not to follow them, right? This is California. You can do whatever you want. So do yourself a favor and make it real, make it genuine, make it your own. Otherwise you're just going to burn out.

Look. You can certainly be a Mission hipster or Silly Valley type and have a wonderful experience here. But to do so you have to get off Valencia street and make some friends outside of the industry. You have to figure out what drew people here in the first place before it became populated by those stereotypes. It's a great place to live. But you'll never know that unless you truly live here.

Comments

[April]

Great pointers, Mat! I think you certainly captured many aspects of San Francisco and what makes living here awesome.

One of my favorite things about living here is how child-like the city is. This probably relates to your last point but I think that even if you ultimately decide it's not your bag, go do one of the many ridiculous events that happen around here. The pillow fights, the Grilled Cheese Invitationals, play kick ball in Golden Gate Park, see what Bring Your Own Big Wheel is all about.

I know these events aren't only in San Francisco but it seems like people embrace the silly here like no where else I've been.

[brittney]

This post is dead on, and it made me fall a little bit harder in love with this city. I keep thinking that is not possible, and yet it happens almost daily.

[manlio]

As a new york city to san francisco transplant on my third year here, i think that this is right on. Especially #2. My number one favorite thing about SF vs. NY is that it's so easy to get out of the city and very quickly be in some of the most beautiful places i've ever seen.

[Caroline McCarthy]

Well, Mat, thanks for spelling this all out. I'm flattered that you took the time and shall keep it all in mind. Also, after three years of living in the East Village amid all its quasi-hipster frattitude, I fully plan to live somewhere antiquated, quiet, and boring. Suggestions welcome!

[Ginevra]

so true - the lack of a "culture of criticism" thing is something I've talked about before with loads of east coast transplants. All good points.

and April - I totally agree with you on the idea of embracing the childlike nature of SF. There's just nothing like it.

[Brian]

Great article. Really makes me want to move to San Francisco. I spent 4 years in Santa Cruz and every time I visited the city, I wished I lived there.

[mat]

April - Totally agree. It is a city with a childlike quality. Remind me to tell you about Hamotam sometime. Best & worst thing I've ever done here. And totally bonkers.

Caroline - I'm just glad you weren't offended. It's all stuff I've been thinking about for some time. As to specifics: The Haight, Hayes Valley, The Mission, Inner Sunset, Castro, Western Addition, North Beach, Castro, Russian Hill... pretty much all of the central city neighborhoods have a lot going for them. I like living by Golden Gate Park, but that's just me.

[Mat Honan]

April - Totally agree. It is a city with a childlike quality. Remind me to tell you about Hamotam sometime. Best & worst thing I've ever done here. And totally bonkers.

Caroline - I'm just glad you weren't offended. It's all stuff I've been thinking about for some time. As to specifics: The Haight, Hayes Valley, The Mission, Inner Sunset, Castro, Western Addition, North Beach, Castro, Russian Hill... pretty much all of the central city neighborhoods have a lot going for them. I like living by Golden Gate Park, but that's just me.

[tangobaby]

Great advice for those coming to San Francisco and for those of us who already live here. Even though I live in the Inner Sunset, I feel an obligation to be familiar with all parts (and partisans) of this city. The longer I live here, the more I can't imagine living anywhere else.

[Mindy Newfarmer]

Mat - This is great, and I've lived here 12 years. It makes me even more excited as I look on CL for apartments and realize I don't have to spend my entire time in SF living in the Mission/Noe/Bernal zone!

[Sarah Mei]

I've been in San Francisco for eight years, and I spent most of that time avoiding driving like it was a plague. I biked some, took a few trains, rode some buses, and did a LOT of walking.

The last few years I've had to drive more. I dreaded it. But then I discovered...it's really not that bad! Even parking, even downtown. You do have to learn to parallel park, and to tolerate dings and scratches on your bumpers from other people who can't properly, but other than that - no worries.

I agree with all of the rest of your points, Mat, and I even agree that biking is more fun if you can swing it! But the driving, the parking...not so bad.

[MDM]

One hand up from the hinterlands for "Ruined by San Francisco".

Nothing's better.

[George Cochrane]

I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment if you're going to pay these kinds of rents, live someplace that feels like SF. The rents in most areas of the city don't really vary much (until you get ritzy, which is no fun anyway), and it seems a shame to walk out of your house every day without a good restaurant, bar, laundromat, and cafe within a block or two.

I live in the heart of Lower Haight, and I love the living biscuits out of it. I know many of my neighbors, many of the shopkeepers, and most of the street characters. The food is cheap and awesome, and everything you could ever need day-to-day is a (very) easy bike ride away. It's F***ing loud, though- that's the only big drawback.

Before this I lived in the crotch of the Tenderloin and SOMA districts, and had to go on an annoyingly potholed/big traffic'd ride to do much of anything. It was quiet, but that's 'cause nobody has reason to go there ;)

I'm considering a move (temp or not) away from SF, just to get some new perspective and have people KICK MY CREATIVE ASS, instead of telling my how awesome I am when I'm sucking. Boy howdy am I gonna miss the fun quotient if I do that. SF's gotta be one of the most fun cities around.

[Brian Remmel]

Thanks for the great post Mat!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but mountain biking in Santa Clara?! Surely you misspoke. If not, then where??

[Eric Suesz]

You are spot on, especially about no one telling you when you have a bad idea. And I love that about this place. It's probably what has kept me here; people being overly supportive like this. Where else will people indulge my silly, half-formed, potentially revolutionary ideas?

I've been here about the same amount of time as you (apparently), and I keep coming across people who come here and try it out and hate it and leave. Have to be honest: Every single one of them were right to move away. My last roommate -- from New York -- said that she thought people were "two-faced" here because they weren't confrontational like they were in New York, which she was used to. Good. Go forth with your confrontation and conquer (somewhere else). We'll be fine over here on the edge of insanity with our incense and fine wine and sex parties and organic tea cultivated by robots.

To me, San Francisco is all about culture gone wild. You either want as much culture as you can shove down your gullet, or you want to control culture and make it more comfortable for you to digest. I stay here because the culture always challenges me. I prefer it shoved down my gullet. I'm crazy like that.

Thank you for being crazy like that, too -- and expressing it.

E

[yaginuma]

Motorcycle is the way to get around this town.

[kk]

skip 1-5. just do 6 and in the end the love you take.....

[Buzz Andersen]

As someone who lived in the Bay Area for 5 years, and SF for 4, I can tell you I have a lot to say about it both good and bad. I think your advice is good, and a lot of it is uncannily similar to what I was telling Caroline myself the other night. But, as someone who walked away with a far more jaded view of SF than you, I can also tell you that some of your advice can be more difficult to follow than it sounds.

You're absolutely right that the key to doing well in the frequently ridiculous world of the SF tech social scene is to maintain a strong bullshit detector, be a good judge of people, and concentrate on quality relationships with a small number of people who are capable of being good friends, rather than spreading yourself thin with a large number of shallow acquaintances who only want to use you for networking or to demonstrate how cool they are.

However, to do all that, you need to actively not get taken in by the siren song of the scene, which has a subtle way of tricking you for a time into thinking you suddenly have 50 million friends and OMG you're so popular (this is the point where the tweets with long lists of people you're at brunch with start) and you hang with Internet celebrities and you're INVENTING THE FUTURE! I think there's a definite burnout cycle that a lot of people go through that starts when people go a little crazy as a result of all that, gradually realize that it's all a little illusory and that what they have instead of friends is a lot of the same awkward party conversations over and over, start working a little too hard to recapture the former glory, and end up burnt out and jaded.

I'm not saying all of this can't be avoided, but to do so, I think you have to come in with more skepticism and awareness than the typical wide-eyed SF hipster-techie transplant does. Perhaps if I had come to SF with Caroline's wariness and your advice, I would have had a better time.

[Steve Silberman]

This is a brilliant, brilliant post, Mat. THANK YOU for writing it, and I've already tweeted it.

As a 30-year resident of Cole Valley, it has been very disheartening for me to have a couple of acquaintances move to SF in the last few years, spend their time here bitching about how it's not NY or LA -- the weather (hello, Manhattan in August or January?), the "yuppies," the bla bla bla -- barely make new friends, hardly check out the city beyond work, or ever venture into the nearby wilderness -- and finally split after issuing tirades that it's "overrated." If you move here, help make it what you want it to be, rather than just passively complaining about how it isn't what you hoped. A little energy into building a scene here goes a long way -- do it!

[Pete Mortensen]

Um...yeah, if you're tweeting about brunch with Internet celebs, you're doing it wrong. It's incredibly easy not to be part of the vapid networking tech crowd: just don't do it.

I'm a Duboce Triangler, and I love SF much more now than I did whilst in the Tendernob. I have a real sense of place and tremendous connection to all of my favorite neighborhoods, each of which has its own character. Plus, I'm around the corner from Toronado, which is always a win.

SF's an incredible city, but it's also a challenge, not least because of ever-escalating rent that requires you to continually elevate your game. It will challenge you to grow as a person and to do it for yourself, without friends giving you a reality check. If you can manage your state, you'll be great.

[Chris Vincent]

Excellent post, and I wholeheartedly agree, especially the part about biking. I actually wrote an article on getting around SF by bicycle which some may find useful:
http://code.isdangero.us/posts/Biking-San-Francisco

Currently a Richmond dweller looking to get into the Duboce Triangle or Hayes Valley or Lower Haight, just somewhere more central, but either way, I love this city. But you definitely make a good point on #6... the level of tolerance in this city is at once a virtue and a drawback. I personally like to shake things up a bit; it's surprising what can rattle the cages of progressive types who in spite of their good intentions can sometimes take their "enlightenment" a little too seriously. Of course, it's all in good fun, and fun is definitely something this city is not running low on any time soon.

[Sea]

April, thanks for making me less apprehensive about throwing a 25 keg Flip Cup Tournament at Kelly's Mission Rock Cafe this Saturday. For a moment there I thought I was getting to old for this.

[Daniel Genser]

I just visited San Francisco for the third time in the last few years and I just can't shake the feeling that it is a larger, more crowded Seattle. Which just means that it seems like it is probably a great city, but the contrast from the Pacific Northwest is nil, making it somewhat of a disappointment.

[Dave]

I live here and love it as much as the next person. But be warned, especially for NYC transplants, that the public transportation is pitiful, enough to frustrate more than a few friends enough to give up and move back East. Luckily, you can walk almost anywhere if you really need to. I've noticed that perhaps because of this, strict punctuality isn't an expectation. Biking may be preferable, but I've also noticed that once someone starts biking, they can only really be friends with other bike folks...

[Van der Leun]

"And because it is a town where nobody calls bullshit, it's easy to get caught up in your own."

It's also easy, in that condition, for San Francisco to fill up with bullshit. Which it has.

[SF Lover]

This is a great post. I lived in SF for 12 years. There is not a day that goes by, after moving, that I don't think about it. Some day....I don't know when that is, I will return to San Francisco and reclaim the heart I left there!

[Fab]

Having been to more than 70 countries, I think that San Francisco has cute corners (like many other places), but is somewhat overrated.

(Frankly, paraphrasing suffices to make the point: There are historic neighbourhoods and communities! There are pretty surroundings! You can get good food! You can cycle! You can make friends! - err, yes, possibly rather impressive for the US, but not really justifying the hype.)

[Michelle]

Shout out for 24th St/Noe Valley! Weather as good as the Mission, but less gritty. Walk to the Castro, without living in the thick of it. A little sleepy, but you can easily get elsewhere in the city via transit, bike, or (for those extra-late drunken nights) cab, and when you come home it's quiet.

In addition to all the excellent advice above, I'd also advise East Coasters to consciously slow down--talk a little slower and take a little more time getting to know people. "Aggro East Coaster" is unfortunately a common stereotype in SF, and you'll have a better time fitting in if you make some small adjustments.

[cjeffstewart@gmail.com]

"Some people become San Franciscans almost immediately, feeling the poetry, sensing the specialness, seeing what makes the city great, boning up on the history and walking the streets with glamorous ghosts at their elbows. Others can live here all their lives and never get the message." - Herb Caen

"Thankgawd we're all living in San Francisco. I'd hate to be this annoyed anywhere else." - Herb Caen

'Careful now.
'We're dealing here with a myth.
'This city is a point upon a map of fog;
'Lemuria in a city unknown.
'Like us,
'It doesn't quite exist.' "

-Ambrose Bierce

[jbtiv]

Good read! I agree with all points except the first. I've lived in the Bay Area for 11 years and intended to live in SF, but didn't have a job and found out how ridiculous the housing market was at the height of dotcom pricing. I quickly discovered the east bay and have lived there ever since. Since I have an aversion to sharing walls with people, I'll stay over there for now. But, I have always made an effort to explore the hell out of SF and always have a friend or girlfriend to stay with in the city.

So, if you can't or won't actually live in SF, at least work there and get out exploring as often as possible and if you can spend the night here whenever possible and pretend it's your neighborhood.

[jbtiv]

Also, to those who haven't visited in the summer, please note: it's often fucking cold. That has been the most difficult aspect for me to come to grips with.

[Belgand]

Very true. We don't get summer here. Maybe a day or two when the wind finally stops and you can consider putting on a pair of shorts or the occasional nice weekend, but not real summer. The flip side is that since winter and summer are basically the same it feels pretty nice in the middle of winter. Still, it's sort of an eternal fall. Some people seem to really like that, others, like myself, find it to be one of the biggest non-Muni-related drawbacks.

Yuppies? The city's full of them. If you live in Cole Valley and you insist on supporting the vague existence of Cole Valley (as opposed to merely a chunk of the Haight a few blocks up the hill that the yuppies are afraid might not be interpreted as being sufficiently gentrified... though they've done a damn good job of it with the rest of the Haight) then there's a pretty damn good chance you're one of them.

On that same point is the idea that people don't criticize. I practically hear nothing but criticism. Any idea, no matter how reasonable, will be immediately beset by a vast wave of NIMBYs, yuppies, do-gooders, neighborhood groups, historic preservationists, advocates and more. Putting in a helipad at SF General, though there were some legitimate complaints, also entailed a massive number of people whining that it would be loud and might upset their dog, that it would only be ferrying wealthy people out to the suburbs, and similar. The questions over the financial benefit to putting a helipad in at a hospital that is planned to be undergoing significant renovations shortly were far fewer than people who had petty arguments against why the primary trauma center in the city might want the ability to accept helicopters. You'll find the same arguments about the recent re-opening of Power Exchange, one of the only non-invitation sex clubs open to people of all orientations. The new location was shut down by neighborhood pressure in less than a month with arguments that it somehow brought crime and drugs (though the old location hasn't seen much of a decrease in either since they left) or merely that people going there were walking very loudly on their giant heels and they're just a bunch of freaky pervs who are hurting the all-important property value on my condo.

No matter what you do, no matter how well-intentioned someone will bitch and complain about it like the world was ending. Need I even bring up Rob Anderson and the recent three-year delay in starting on the bike plan?

Go in the water? I'm staying out of 40 degree cold water filled with dangerous riptides thank you. It's rarely warm enough to wear a swimsuit in the Haight, let alone on the West side of town by the ocean, forget about the water itself.

Making friends sounds nice. It would be great if there was some way to actually do that though. When you're new to a place and don't know anyone it's surprisingly hard to meet new people. Let alone people outside of work or even outside your industry. For someone who doesn't even work in technology all of my meager collection of friends still manage to.

To me the essence of the city is that you love it unreasonably even though you hate so many things about it from the terrible weather and the NIMBY yuppies to the pathetic excuse for public transit. There's just something about it that cuts through everything that should make it intolerable.

[Marianne]

Belgand, sounds like it's time for you to go away for a while, the bitterness is setting in. I lived in SF for 8 years. It was not just a city I "lived" in, but rather a relationship that had its ups and downs, in which "the city" felt like it abused me, swept me off my feet, and drugged me up and danced with me all night in and out of a foggy haze. That said, it's been 3 years since I've moved on, (SF with all it's glory isn't really the ideal place to raise a family), and I still have the most vivid thoughts of the place daily. And making friends isn't that hard, in fact it's almost the easiest place to make friends since almost everyone is from somewhere else.

[Mat Honan]

Belgand: you have trouble making friends? I'm shocked.