emptyage

Excuse Me, I Misspoke

"I never felt that I was in a dangerous position. I never felt being in a sense of peril, or 'Oh, God, I hope I'm going to be OK when I get out of this helicopter or when I get out of his tank... What kind of president would say, 'Hey, man, I can't go 'cause I might get shot so I'm going to send my wife...oh, and take a guitar player and a comedian with you.'" -- Sinbad, March 10 2008

"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we* just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base.... Everyone else was told to sit on their bulletproof vests. And we* came in, in an evasive maneuver. ... There was no greeting ceremony, and we* basically were told to run to our cars. Now, that is what happened." -- Hillary Clinton, March 17, 2008
*We = Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, Sheryl Crow, and Sinbad.

"You know, I think that, a minor blip, you know, if I said something that, you know, I say a lot of things — millions of words a day — so if I misspoke, that was just a misstatement." --Hillary Clinton, March 24, 2008

Other Misstatements, About Which Senator Hillary Clinton May Or May Not Have Misspoken, Possibly Due to Sleep Deprivation, Or Perhaps Not, Some Of Which May Continue To Be Considered Accurate, Until Video Proves Otherwise

• Did not, as previously stated, serve as Army Colonel during Vietnam War. However, did protest Vietnam War, which, you have to admit, is pretty much the same thing.
  
• Accidentally claimed to have received Nobel Prize in Physics. In fact won middle school science fair for working model of volcano. Maybe. Unless there is evidence to contradict this as well. Which hopefully there is not.
  
• Mistakenly referred to self as "Dr. Hillary Clinton" when, in fact, subsequent review of academic record indicates that at no time did Senator Clinton attend medical school, nor, as mistakenly misspoken, did the Senator practice medicine in the state of Maryland for 25 years during which time she was not, in fact, Chief of Oncology at Johns Hopkins where she, technically, did not cure cancer. However, the Senator has certainly seen a doctor in the past five years. She regrets the misstatement.
  
• A review of archival video footage indicates that, contrary to the Senator's clearly accidental statement, she did not play the role of Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli on Happy Days and was not, in fact, referred to as "Fonzie" on a regular basis by her good friend Ritchie Cunningham who is, upon further viewing clearly former actor Ron Howard. Nor did she, in retrospect, turn on the jukebox at really, really key fucking moments by hitting it on the side, or sometimes, just snapping. The Senator does, however, stand by her statement that "everyone wants to direct."
  

"I was sleep-deprived, and I misspoke." -- Hillary Clinton, March 26, 2008

Emphasis Mine

Associated Press: Clinton 'Misspoke' About '96 Bosnia Trip.

Hillary Rodham Clinton's campaign said she "misspoke" last week when saying she had landed under sniper fire during a trip to Bosnia as first lady in March 1996.

During a speech last Monday on Iraq, she said of the Bosnia trip: "I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."

According to an Associated Press story at the time, Clinton was placed under no extraordinary risks on that trip. And one of her companions, comedian Sinbad, told The Washington Post he has no recollection either of the threat or reality of gunfire.

San Francisco is Like a Dream to Me

Driving over the bridge this weekend with Harper, the sun was setting into the Pacific as we listened to Bob Dylan playing on our car stereo. We watched drop down towards the ocean through the Gate as we drove over the bridge, then we pulled off at a vista in the Presidio and shared a beer as it sunk into the water below the horizon. You could smell the cedar and the sea. We'd spent the afternoon mountain biking in the Headlands, rolling over hills and out to the ocean beyond. We were both tired, in that deeply satisfied way you can be tired when you've had just enough of a good thing. It was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever had in my life.

Spitzer

I'm shocked by Eliot Spitzer. Appalled. And I've been trying to understand it. A story in today's New York Times seeks to explain why politicians are prone to self-destructive sexual shenanigans. Power, alpha behavior, risk-taking, etc., etc. It doesn't explain it for me. I don't buy it.

Now, Spitzer's case is unique in that not only was he doing something tawdry, he was doing something tawdry that he prosecuted other people for doing. But let's put that aside for a moment, and I'll explain why I think it is that we care when our elected leaders can't keep their dicks in their pants. And I think an easy way to enter the conversation is by pointing out this passage from the Times:

Not always, of course, are political careers ruined by sexual irregularities. Rep. Barney Frank continued to win re-election in Massachusetts even after it was disclosed in 1989 that he had hired a male prostitute who ran a brothel out of his apartment.

But see, Frank is, as they say, a confirmed bachelor (or at least was, I have no idea what his current relationship status is). He betrayed no-one but himself, and as to limiting his career options, well, as an openly-gay politician, it's remarkable that he serves in the House at all, and it's hard to see him advancing above his current post. That was even more true in 1989. Those two caveats are key to why he was able to survive.

Spitzer is another story. He's Presidential material. You know the position has crossed his mind. Is perhaps even in his plan. And the more mainstream the politician, the bigger the scandal. What's more, he's married. Seemingly happily.

And that's why we care. I think we care less about the tawdry behavior than about the things that engaging in said behavior say about one of our potential leaders.

It says that you are willing to betray what should be the most basic covenant you make--that with your spouse. Sure, many Americans betray this same trust. But they are not the governor of New York, nor the President of the United States. If you can't be trusted in this most basic relationship that you have established in your life, how can we trust that you will not betray us?

Second, it speaks to your judgement. If you are so ready to gamble everything on an illegal tryst, what does that say about your judgement and ability to determine what is or is not an acceptable risk?

It isn't the sex. That's not the scandal. What's scandalous is the baffling combination of stupidity and recklessness.

Barack Obama is your new Book Deal

I'm really psyched to be able to finally announce this: I agreed to a book deal last week with Gotham Books (a division of Penguin) to turn BOIYNB into an actual book that you can buy at an actual bookstore with actual money. My friend Omar Lee is going to do the illustrations. It's going to be fantastic.

We're going to try to have the book out in time for the Democratic Convention in August, which is incredibly fast, and more than a little challenging. Please buy 13 copies. Don't worry about the price, I have it on good authority that Barack Obama will pay off your credit card bill.