"I never felt that I was in a dangerous position. I never felt being in a sense of peril, or 'Oh, God, I hope I'm going to be OK when I get out of this helicopter or when I get out of his tank... What kind of president would say, 'Hey, man, I can't go 'cause I might get shot so I'm going to send my wife...oh, and take a guitar player and a comedian with you.'" -- Sinbad, March 10 2008
"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we* just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base.... Everyone else was told to sit on their bulletproof vests. And we* came in, in an evasive maneuver. ... There was no greeting ceremony, and we* basically were told to run to our cars. Now, that is what happened." -- Hillary Clinton, March 17, 2008
*We = Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, Sheryl Crow, and Sinbad.
"You know, I think that, a minor blip, you know, if I said something that, you know, I say a lot of things — millions of words a day — so if I misspoke, that was just a misstatement." --Hillary Clinton, March 24, 2008
Other Misstatements, About Which Senator Hillary Clinton May Or May Not Have Misspoken, Possibly Due to Sleep Deprivation, Or Perhaps Not, Some Of Which May Continue To Be Considered Accurate, Until Video Proves Otherwise
- Did not, as previously stated, serve as Army Colonel during Vietnam War. However, did protest Vietnam War, which, you have to admit, is pretty much the same thing.
- Accidentally claimed to have received Nobel Prize in Physics. In fact won middle school science fair for working model of volcano. Maybe. Unless there is evidence to contradict this as well. Which hopefully there is not.
- Mistakenly referred to self as "Dr. Hillary Clinton" when, in fact, subsequent review of academic record indicates that at no time did Senator Clinton attend medical school, nor, as mistakenly misspoken, did the Senator practice medicine in the state of Maryland for 25 years during which time she was not, in fact, Chief of Oncology at Johns Hopkins where she, technically, did not cure cancer. However, the Senator has certainly seen a doctor in the past five years. She regrets the misstatement.
- A review of archival video footage indicates that, contrary to the Senator's clearly accidental statement, she did not play the role of Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli on Happy Days and was not, in fact, referred to as "Fonzie" on a regular basis by her good friend Ritchie Cunningham who is, upon further viewing clearly former actor Ron Howard. Nor did she, in retrospect, turn on the jukebox at really, really key fucking moments by hitting it on the side, or sometimes, just snapping. The Senator does, however, stand by her statement that "everyone wants to direct."
"I was sleep-deprived, and I misspoke." -- Hillary Clinton, March 26, 2008
